The Life I Chose
by babygirl7801
Summary: Five years have past since the Cullen family walked away from Forks.  Bella and Anna endured trama and heartbreak, but they made it through together. The sisters past comes back as Bella starts university.
1. Chapter 1

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

I hated thinking back on my life - a sequence of horrifying events strung together in series. Luck never accompanied us for long, but it did show up on rare occasions to give us false hope. It didn't seem like five years, standing on campus at Dartmouth.

I knew why we chose Dartmouth; we could have enrolled at dozens of schools. Dartmouth was one of the best and my entire family was accepted, throw in a partial scholarship for them and the choice was easy.

I tried to convince myself that I didn't need to be here, but my family was here and I could not abandon them. I would deal with my fears and unhappiness. We all deserved to forget the nightmares we suffered in Forks. A new place and people would ensure some memories would fade.

The campus buzzed with excitement, whereas I couldn't even pretend. People were fickle. You could watch any daytime soap opera and find truth in simple human emotion, jumping from bed to bed, love to love. Romanticized stories of true love seemed like fairy tales and song lyrics to these blinded idiots.

Who could blame them when fate is a cruel woman; no one else would find ripping true love from the grasp of the deserving entertaining. Heartless, cruel, shattered; this was the dirty hand fate dealt us when it came to true love.

Moving past the hopeless emptiness, I looked at my _siblings_. Ellie and AJ full of optimism, never truly living until now, their first interaction with other adolescent humans. Bella was stronger now, moving on with a semblance of a life at university.

We were here for a fresh start, a new life. I couldn't ruin everything with my sour mood on the first day. AJ glanced at me sideways; he always knew what we were thinking. This would be more difficult, a telepath in a school of over-sexed young adults.

"Fine, I'm leaving. You three have a good day," I said, cheerfully waving good-bye.

I meandered through the labyrinth of buildings, making my way to the administration building. Swallowing my apprehension, I strolled into the brick building. The small space was overtaken by students. I pushed my way through the crowd, opening the half door leading behind the counter. A graying portly woman grimaced as she determinedly walked over to me.

"Students are not allowed back here."

"I'm not a student. My name's Julianna Swan," I indicated, pulling my ID from my bag.

"Oh, well that's interesting. I'm Margaret. You will need to go in and see Josephine."

"Thank you." I took my ID and continued to my destination, knocking on the door.

"I'm Julianna Swan. I was told to report here before heading to meet Mr. Johns." I slid into the room as the older woman looked up speculatively.

"You're Julianna Swan?"

"Yes, but it's just Anna."

"There will be more of a stir once Dr. Langford meets you." Seeing the confusion on my face, she continued, "He is head of the Mathematics department. He was not happy that you were joining the staff. And now seeing how young you are, he'll be even more unsettled."

"I am not here in a Mathematics capacity. As for my age, Dr. Langford knows how old I am. I think it is the reason he declined my application."

"I know. You are here to assist Dr. Johns. I must say, I think he hired you just to irritate Dr. Langford. And it's not just your age." She looked at me pointedly over her glasses.

"I am more than qualified. If I didn't need to be here…" I stopped; the truth was that I _did_ need to be here for my family, and nothing would pull me away from them.

"I shouldn't have said that. Sincerely, I apologize. I know how qualified you are and why you are here. How about we finish your paperwork and you can head off?" Josephine pulled out a packet.

I spent the next ten minutes filling out my personal information in tiny boxes. I left the office with my keys, a map and my badge. The portly woman up front was talking with someone. I waved past her and fought my way back to the exit.

I found my way to Dr. Johns' office. Dark wood finishes, massive intimidating desk - obviously overcompensating. He sat in his massive dark leather chair, and didn't even stand or greet me as I entered the room. I introduced myself, but he continued to ignore me. I stood in the center of the room, refusing to be uncomfortable by his tactics. I was not one of his students begging for approval.

"Miss Swan, I have outlines for you for the Physics and Introductory Chemistry classes you will assist. There are three Physics classes that meet everyday. The two Chemistry classes meet for lectures Monday and Wednesday, then a lab on Friday. You are required to attend all of the classes."

"Yes, sir."

"I do not appreciate students interrupting my personal time. I require anyone with a question, concern or just needing to talk to go to you. You will liaison between the students and myself. I do not accept late assignments or allow make-ups of any kind. Are we clear, Miss Swan?"

"Yes, sir."

"Great. I will see you in twenty minutes. Please arrive prepared and on time."

I turned on my heel, smirking at his pompous attitude. I made my way straight for the lecture hall. I sat at the small desk off to the side. My day brightened when AJ wandered through the door.

"Anna, how's it going?"

"Fine. You didn't say anything to Bella about my internal ramblings?"

"No. I find your internal rants humorous, but I am sure Bella wouldn't agree."

"As long as I can entertain you. Go sit." I pushed him away as he laughed at me.

I kept my head down until Dr. Johns finally acknowledged me, handing me a stack of papers and demanding I distribute them. I walked up one side of the room, passing the correct amount to the first person in the row and letting them trickle to the end of the long rows of the lecture hall.

"My name is Dr. Johns. I am here to teach and you are here to learn. If you have any questions or problems, please see Miss Swan. I do not hold meetings with students, and I do not allow you to interrupt my time with your unnecessary concerns. If there is a legitimate issue, I will make an appointment for you."

With that he began his lecture, talking right up until it was time to leave. I became even more amazed by Dr. Johns' arrogance when he stopped talking mid-sentence and walked out of the classroom after fifty-five minutes exactly. All eyes turned to me, and I smiled meekly with a shrug.

"We will continue on Wednesday," I finally said, causing everyone to shuffle out.

AJ joined me at the desk as I packed up my bag.

"Do you want to grab something to eat with me?" he asked. "We both ditched breakfast this morning."

"Sure." I slung my bag across my body, following him out of the room.

"Are you ok?" AJ asked.

"I am." I smiled reassuringly as we walked out of the building.

AJ draped his arm around my shoulders, remaining silent as we made our way into the crowded cafeteria. We both grabbed a salad and water before finding an empty table.

"What?" I asked.

"We will be fine. You worry too much."

"I know. I'm not worried about Bella. You know that right?" I took his hand reassuringly

"You are, but I know that is not what is bothering you."

"I hate you sometimes." I laughed.

"Anna, just relax. You should have fun here. You completely missed the college experience. You can make up for it now."

"I'll pass. I don't think a drunken party was my kind of fun. Plus, I do have work I need to finish."

"I know, just thought a change was in order." AJ looked up from his salad. "This change was for all of us."

"Believe me; I am aware of why we moved. I wasn't fortunate to have my memories vanish, and they haven't begun to fade…it will just take me longer to move forward."

"Forgive and forget; it's that easy." AJ pushed his tray across the table. Looking intently, he asked, "Do you forgive them? Us?"

"There is nothing to forgive, AJ. I love you. I will let go, I promise."

"I've heard that before."

"Sarcasm…how far does that get you?"

"Pot-kettle." AJ waved his hands like an introduction, "let me know when you have an answer."

"Shut up." I snorted.

"Come on, I will walk you back."

I followed AJ out of the cafeteria. He took my hand as we strolled across campus. AJ and I had a unique relationship. I couldn't keep anything from him if I tried, but I never felt the need to hide anything. He was taking care of both Bella and I from the moment he entered our lives.

"I love you. Have a good day," AJ said kissing the top of my head.

"I love you, too."

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I walked down the long hallway. I didn't stop, I didn't look around. I kept my pace, heading to my office, as my heart raced and the fear rose. Someone was here.

With more force than I planned, I thrust the door open. I closed it quickly behind me, resting my head against it.

"Problem?" a voice asked.

I turned to see two people sitting in the office. The man was thirty, bad skin, greasy hair, glasses and overweight; the woman was about the same age, gangly, dirty blonde hair and braces.

"No, just trying to get my bearings."

"Who are you looking for?" he asked.

"I'm not looking for anyone. I'm Anna Swan."

"Oh. I am Caleb and this is Madison. We all share this office." He looked intrigued as he eyed me.

There were four small desks - students' desks for little kids. Caleb and Madison had obviously claimed two of the three not backing to the door. I pointed to the last one.

"It's yours. The last person isn't here yet." Caleb informed me.

"Thank you."

I sat down, taking out all of the outlines along with my planner. I set dates and organized my desk. When I looked at the clock, I saw running late. Bumping my legs against the desks to get out, I jogged awkwardly down the corridor, arriving at the lecture hall just as Dr. Johns was opening the door.

He gave the same speech, before he continued with his physics lecture. I was not going to like him very much, saddling me with the useless student issues. Again, he walked out of class in mid-sentence.

"Class dismissed," I stated, irritated.

I gathered my stuff, once more ignoring the comments and confusion. Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I pushed away from the desk, bouncing off a stone chest. A cold hand caught me before I hit the floor.

"Hey, darlin'."

"Jasper," I sighed as he released me as if I burned his hand.

"How are you? What are you doing here?"

Anger ran through me as he spoke; how could he pretend that everything was fine? I grinned as he took a step back, surely feeling my resentment.

"What do you want, Jasper? Who's with you?" I snapped.

"I'm alone. I just wanted to apologize. The last time we saw each other wasn't under the best circumstances. I am truly sorry."

"We never blamed you, until you left us helpless...I can't do this. You left, you left us alone and vulnerable. I lost so much and I…I can't do this." I was torn by the need to flee and the anger I wanted to vent.

I stormed away from him, my eyes burning. I felt sorry for Jasper, the way he looked beaten. How did we end up here together after all this time?

I made it through the rest of the day, distracted and irritated. Bella met me in my office when she had finished her day. I waved her off before she could even ask. Gathering my stuff, we headed for the car to meet Ellie and AJ.


	2. Chapter 2

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

I tried to keep my thoughts indirect, useless as we drove home. AJ was glaring back at me through the rearview mirror because I never hid my thoughts.

I pulled up to our small brownstone, rushing in the house before the others.

Bella had arranged the furniture, keeping it cozy. The two leather sofas squared against the stone fireplace. The walls were a neutral color, with only one window looking out to the front. She made it feel like home.

I changed into my sweats and t-shirt. I needed time to think and I couldn't do that in the house. Securing my iPod around my arm, I went out the door.

"Where are you going?" Bella called before I hit the last stone step.

"Just for a run. It's been a hectic day and I need some fresh air."

I jogged from the house and down the street before she could protest. I didn't want her to question my behavior.

The street was quaint, provincial. Trees lined the sidewalks as the branches hung heavily over the pavement. There were metal lampposts painted green lighting the walk, and people walking dogs or kids past me as I kept my pace with my music, distracting myself.

I could feel him watching me, my heart racing harder in anticipation. I found a deserted bench in a small park. The night was darkening, and I doubted anyone would willingly linger in the deserted square.

"Just show yourself," I whispered. I waited, but nothing happened. I looked around trying to find the eyes I could feel were watching. "Don't make me feel like a fool, come out!" I demanded, feeling foolish talking to myself. The park remained still. I exhaled loudly. I was losing my mind, maybe I just hoped he was there.

I sat down on a bench, resting my head in my hands. I needed to pull myself together if I was going to face my family.

"This really isn't a safe place to be sitting." Jasper stood in front of me. My head snapped up.

"Why are you here?" I questioned, furiously.

"I wanted to apologize and to know what's going on."

"What do mean? What's going on? Nothing is going on."

"Vampires, you're living with vampires. What's wrong with you?" he barked, angrily.

"Wow, really?" I challenged, shaking my head and standing up. "You're going to lecture me on vampires. You lost the right to talk to me about safety when you walked out on me. You were my friend and you left, without a goodbye. You left me!" I shouted at him. I wanted to hit him, pound my fists against his chest, but that would only accomplish hurting myself and I was already in agony.

"It was safer that we left you. Anna, I would never have forgiven myself if anything happened to you."

"Are you kidding? I wasn't safer, Bella wasn't safer. I lost my innocence. My humanity was ripped from my soul. How is that better, how was I better off without you?" He stepped back as I vented five years of festering rage.

"Anna, what happened? Please just explain," Jasper begged, holding both my hands in his. I hated the safety and warmth I felt in his familiar touch.

"You don't deserve to know anything about me. If you cared, you would have been there for me. I don't need you now," I spat, pulling away from him.

I ran from him at full sprint back to my house. My lungs burned as I forced the door open. I leaned against the cool wood sucking in deep breaths. I didn't have time to block my thoughts as AJ walked into the room. He read me instantly. He held my shoulders, roughly pulling me though the living room and into the kitchen. Bella and Ellie were cooking happily until they saw AJ throwing me into a chair.

"Jasper?" AJ snapped.

Bella gasped, kneeling in front of me before I could process the movement.

"They're here?" She asked.

"No. Just Jasper."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how. I yelled at him, Bells. I was heartless." Tears streamed down my face.

"Anna, I'm sorry. I'm sure he knows you were just upset." Bella pulled me into her. I soaked her shirt as she soothed me.

"I wish I could apologize," I mumbled.

"It would be nice to have a friend here." Bella smiled, wiping my face.

"He's outside," AJ interrupted, standing on alert.

"What do you want to do?" Bella asked.

"I think we should talk to him."

"Then we talk to him."

"I didn't tell him anything, Bells. Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked.

"I think it will be good for all of us if Jasper wants to talk to us," Bella said, loud enough for the vampire waiting outside.

Bella nodded reassuring me. I pulled myself together and went to the front door. My hand shook as I lifted it to the handle. I took a deep breath, turning the knob. Jasper stood on the front porch looking pitiful, but trying to smile.

"Come in," I greeted, my voice shaking.

Jasper glared at AJ as he stood behind me.

"He won't bite, come in," I said again.

AJ chuckled, keeping close to me.

"Who is he?" Jasper asked.

"We have a lot to talk about, but first I think Bella wants to see you. Please sit."

Bella paced the small kitchen nervously when I walked in. I took her hand, looking at her questioningly.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"I need to see if anything is there." Bella was agitated by her lack of human memories. We found that some of her memories of Charlie came back as she spent time with him, but they were fragmented and fuzzy. Bella's human memories were vague at best. She remembered Charlie and me, but the only Cullen she could remember was Alice. She saw my pictures and listened to my stories, but they weren't her memories.

"You don't have anything to prove. And once it's out, you can't go back, I warned.

She nodded and followed behind me.

"Jasper Cullen, this is Ellie and AJ and you know Bella," I introduced.

"It's Whitlock now." Jasper stood turning to face us as we walked in the room. "Oh, Bella, what happened?" Jasper gasped, looking at my vampire sister.

"You first, Jasper. What happened? Where is everyone?" Bella asked, sitting on the couch across from him.

The pain swelled in the room as Jasper sat back down. "It's complicated. Alice wasn't able to see you clearly, and everything happened suddenly. Edward was gone. We were miserable. Alice saw one of you getting attacked by Victoria. It was only a small glimpse, but it was enough to cause us to come back to Forks. The wolves were not happy with our return, they wouldn't let us see either of you, but we were there to protect you. They couldn't deny the help. It wasn't an even fight. We trained with the wolves. We wouldn't let Victoria hurt either of you, not when we brought her into your lives." Jasper bent forward holding his face in his hands in anguish. Bella was sitting at his side rubbing his back.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Jasper, are you ok?" Bella asked at the same time.

"We did come back. We came back to protect you from Victoria. It was two years after we left. It was an awful fight..." Jasper's voice cracked.

"You lost Alice," I whispered. It was the only explanation that would be this painful for him. He shook his head.

His body trembled with his sobs. Bella began to sob with him, feeling his pain. I couldn't imagine why he felt so much agony if Alice wasn't lost.

"What happened!?" I nearly shouted.

"I'm sorry Anna. It was Rosalie." His eyes met mine. As he rushed through the end of his story. "Alice left with Carlisle and Esme. She asked me not to go with her. Emmett and I left together, both of us lost, still trying to find something to cling to."

I knelt on the floor, losing my breath as I sobbed into my hands. She couldn't be gone.

"I didn't get to say good-bye." I continued, in hysterics as my stomach and head ached. "I've been so mad at her for so long."

"She protected us. How were we not told?" Bella mumbled to herself.

The room silenced as I replayed Jasper's words…Emmett.

"Where's Emmett?" I sobbed.

"He's with me. I didn't want to tell you earlier. He's not good, Anna."

"I want to see him." I wiped my face hard, struggling to stand. AJ held me tightly, standing me on my feet.

"Anna, I don't…"

"Now, Jasper." I demanded. "I...She was my friend. I need to do something." The words struggled from my throat.

Jasper nodded. Ellie grabbed my hoodie as we made our way to the Range Rover. I sat in the back between Ellie and AJ as Jasper drove through the city. My body shook, I had hated her for leaving me. Now, I needed to see the one connection left to her... Emmett.

We were finally driving down a long gravel drive. The house was small in comparison to the house in Forks. It was a two story cabin with a wraparound porch and large picture windows lining the ground floor. AJ helped me out of the vehicle, keeping me steady.

Emmett walked out of the door and stood lifeless, a shell of what he was. I launched myself at him. He grabbed me gently, surprised. My tears fell fresh and harder as Emmett crumpled to the ground, sobbing with me. Even as the cold night shook my bones, I held on to Emmett. The stars twinkled as I sat with Emmett on the porch.

"I am so sorry, Emmett. This is all my fault."

"No, it's not. Anna, Rose loved you. She would have done anything to protect you. She made me promise to keep you safe, to keep myself safe," he whispered, holding me tighter to him.

"Emmett, I'm so sorry. It shouldn't have been her. I've been so mad at her all this time." I cried harder as Emmett squeezed me against him. "You should have let Victoria take me. I don't know if I can take any more pain." I shivered.

"Anna, don't say that!" Emmett snapped. "I need to get you inside; you will freeze out here huddled next to me."

Emmett scooped me up and carried me into the cabin. The others were sitting on a large rustic leather sofa near the fire. Emmett tried to set me down in a wooden chair, but I clung to him, he could have easily removed me, but I think we both needed to anchor each other. He sat down wrapping me in a blanket on his lap pulling the chair in front of the fire. I rested my head in Emmett's neck, letting the exhaustion take over.


	3. Chapter 3

_**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**_

_Bella and I walked into the studio hand in hand. My only hope was that Bella would make it out alive. We searched the dark mirrored room, it appeared empty, but we knew better. _

_ "Bella!" Renee's voice rang out and we ran, trying to find her._

_ "Bella, you scared me!" _

_ We both stopped trying to find the source. The terror subsided when I saw the TV; Renee wasn't here…Our mother was safe, even if we were not._

_ His devilish throaty laugh reverberated against the mirrors. I whirled around, keeping Bella behind me. Since Renee was safe, she was my only concern. I had to get her out alive. _

_ "Sorry about that girls, but isn't it better that your mother didn't really have to be involved?" _

_ He sauntered over casually, trying to sound kind.. I felt Bella relax behind me._

_ "Yes," we both answered._

_ "You don't sound angry."_

_ "We're not."_

_ He droned on about how he had found us; how he was smarter than the Cullens because he had won. He sounded sincere like he was doing us a favor. Bella's bravery was fading; I could feel her hand beginning to shake in mine._

_ "When you get the chance, just run," I commanded to her silently._

_ "No, I'm not leaving you," Bella protested._

_ Anger ran through me as he talked about Alice. He kept inching closer as he tortured us with her story. Finally, pleased with his control, waiting this long before killing us, he reached toward Bella. I knew it was futile pushing his hand away, but tried anyway.._

_ He gripped my arm before tossing me aside. I hit the floor hard, positive my hand and wrist were broken. Bella crashed into me before I had attempted to move. I tried to put some distance between us. He grabbed her leg and I heard the bone snap as Bella screamed in agony._

_ I needed to distract him, to save my sister. I was not strong or courageous, but I could not watch her die. His hand hit my chest as I thrust myself against him, throwing me into the mirror. The shattered glass continued to cut into my back as I slid down the wall, blood pooling around me. That was it though. His head snapped to me, his eyes full of hunger. _

_ He rushed toward me, fueled by the smell of my blood. His coal eyes entranced. He knelt next to me pulling me toward him. My forearm broke as he tightened his grip. His teeth sank into my skin near the elbow. I tried not to scream or move. Knowing this would be the last memory Bella would have if she escaped. I failed. The unbearable pain trumped all my self control. My body could not push away from the source and my shrieks carried through the air._

_ Then the pain was gone. I was finally dead since that was the only logical explanation._

_ "Anna, please say something," Bella begged, her voice sounding distant._

_ She sat next to me, my head in her lap. The only noise was the cracking like thunder. _

_ "Bella, just run."_

_ "I won't leave you."_

_ My head bounced on the floor and Bella was gone. _

_ "You did this to her," he sneered. Bella screamed._

I awakened with a muffled screech. The familiar dream haunted me years ago, but I had replaced it with others over the years. The return of Jasper and Emmett was pulling my past to the forefront of my mind. I spent so much time pushing my memories down, keeping my sadness and anguish in check. In one day, I had lost my temper and cried myself to sleep. I wanted to be stronger than this.

"Morning," AJ greeted.

"Morning, baby." I realized Emmett must have let me go, since I was laying on a small tan fabric sofa.

AJ hoisted me on to his lap. I hated that he knew my deepest secrets, that he was burdened with my trauma - even if I couldn't hide it from him. In the security of his arms, I relaxed. AJ brushed his hand down my hair softly.

"It's been a long time since you've had that dream," AJ whispered.

"I'm ok." I sucked in short, quick breaths.

"No you're not, but you put on a good show."

"I'm sorry." I looked around for Bella.

"They went home." AJ said. "Emmett will give us a ride when you're ready."

I extracted my body from AJ's embrace, rubbing my face. A growl rumbled from behind us. I turned to see Emmett standing with clenched fists and rigid, body glaring at AJ.

"What happened?" His teeth locked together.

"Nothing." I shrugged. AJ grinned sympathetically. He tried to calm me. The familiar crooked grin was difficult for me to see.

"Did he hurt you?" Emmett barked.

Emmett postured himself, focusing solely on AJ. For once, Emmett looked scary. My anger rose as Emmett kept his threatening gaze on AJ. Emmett had hurt me, his whole family hurt me. I focused on keeping my anger in check, well as much as I could.

"AJ could never hurt me." I stood crossing my arms over my chest. "It was just a nightmare."

"All this from a dream?" Emmett scoffed.

Infuriated, I yelled, "What do you know, Emmett!?"

I was frustrated and tired. I let myself take it out on him. I stormed out the door, holding back the tears.

"I have suffered through more than dreams," he spat, following me out the door.

I didn't look at him. "I really don't care. Take me home. I have to work today."

I was embarrassed for lashing out at Emmett in front of AJ. I worked so hard to keep myself together whenever we talked about the Cullens. I never thought I would see them again; I never planned for what to expect if I did. I just needed to get away from them.

AJ brought my shoes to me before we joined Emmett at his Escalade. The drive home was tense, Emmett obviously distressed - fisting the steering wheel.

I hopped out of the car as soon as he stopped at the curb, leaving AJ and Emmett. I waved off Bella as I stalked off to my room. Straight to the shower, I dressed before I went downstairs and entered the kitchen. Jasper and Emmett leaned against the counter talking with Bella. AJ and Ellie were whispering at the table as they ate breakfast. I snagged a banana, and then headed out the door, not waiting for anyone before I drove to campus.

I was annoyed. _Stupid Emmett_. I was throwing my papers in my bag furiously. Caleb watched me confused, but not dumb enough to say anything.

I couldn't stop thinking about Emmett and Jasper. The day had flown by. I couldn't remember doing anything. I was still confused and hurt. At the same time, I knew my family wanted them around. I knew how important it was for Ellie and AJ. I had to put my issues aside for them, to put my family before myself.

A boy entered my office as I packed my bag. "I'm looking for Miss Swan."

He was tall, thin, with pale skin - perfect vampire features. I was dwelling on vampires; his eyes were blue - perfect crystal blue. He was a normal boy.

_Stupid Emmett_, I thought again.

"I'm Anna Swan."

"I'm Daniel Jackson. I needed to speak with you, if you have time."

I grinned hearing his name, but continued tossing papers around my desk feverishly.

"Is this a bad time?" Daniel asked.

"No. What can I do for you?" I flung my bag over my shoulder, and headed out of the office.

Daniel followed me out of the building. I stopped on the stoop above the stairs, leaning against the decorative stone railing.

"I am going to be missing some classes for Dr. Johns…"

"There are no make-ups or late assignments," I interrupted.

"I have a condition that causes me to take days to rest. I can bring a doctor's note."

"No exceptions. I'm sorry."

Daniel leaned into me, his breath sweet as he begged, "Please, can't you find a way?"

"No exceptions. I'm sorry."

He ran his warm hand down my arm. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

"These are not my rules, but you are welcome to try flirting with Dr. Johns. He may like you trying to take advantage of him." I was more annoyed than flattered at his attempt.

"For the record, it normally works," Daniel snorted, stepping away from me.

"I can't help you." I turned to walk down the stairs but Daniel grasped my arm.

"There has to be something you can do."

I pulled my arm away. "You can't miss any tests and your assignments cannot be late. What do you suggest?"

"Can I have someone drop off my assignments to you? Would you be willing to accept them early?" He negotiated.

"Sure, sure." I pacified.

"Thank you, Miss Swan."

"It's just Anna." I wrote down my cell phone number, handing the paper to Daniel. "You can call me and we can arrange for you to drop-off your assignments."

Daniel stiffened and stepped back, glaring past me. I looked up as Emmett draped his arm over my shoulders. Still angry, I shoved him. Emmett let me go. I skipped past him down the stairs.

"Anna, please talk to me," Emmett begged, following me.

"What do you want me to say?" I stopped. I couldn't remain angry with Emmett, even if I tended to hold on to things. Emmett and Daniel came around to stand front of me. I could see the confusion and concern on Daniel's face.

"Come on, I'm sorry."

"Is there a problem?" Daniel asked, timidly.

"No, Daniel." I took a deep breath clearing my face. "This is my friend Emmett; Emmett, this a student Daniel."

"You don't seem like you want to see him," Daniel stated.

"Daniel, it's fine. I appreciate your concern. Emmett's my friend; you really don't need to worry about me."

Daniel nodded, "If you're sure. Thank you again for working with me."

"It's no problem." I watched Daniel walk away. "Are you going to apologize for being idiotic?" I asked Emmett still not meeting his eyes.

"How was I idiotic?" Emmett snapped, stepping toward me lowering his voice. "A dream? I relive my nightmare every second of my life. I can't find any peace. Your dreams are meaningless compared to what I have seen."

Emmett towered over me, standing just inches apart. Was he trying to infuriate me...I wanted to hurt him, but I held back.

"Fine, if that's how you feel, then just mope alone. I would hate for anyone to distract you from your pity party."

"Pity party? I don't want your pity. You've never lost anything. How could you understand?"

I snapped. He didn't know anything about me anymore.

"I've never lost anything!?" I yelled. I took a step toward him, pointing my finger in his chest. "I lost my twin sister, my friends, and my happiness. All because you chose to keep us safe. You did this to me. You turned me into this pessimist. You're right; you don't deserve my pity, Emmett. I hate you."

I regretted the words instantly, but I had wanted to say them for so long. I ran to my car, leaving Emmett standing alone.

As soon as I sat in the driver's seat, I felt completely juvenile. I had thrown a tantrum like a toddler, blamed my choices and mistakes on Emmett. The anger from them leaving us still festered; I still resented them for not sticking it out, for giving up on us and themselves. But that one incident didn't lead me on my current path.

Rosalie…her face flitted through my mind. She died to protect me. She came back – they all came back to protect us. I couldn't regret the decisions I made, but I could resent having to made them.

I wanted to have friends that I didn't have to hide my family from. I wanted to put my family back together. I could see how I changed in the last five years. I knew I was guarded and pessimistic. I envied Bella. She forgot the pain, but she had to give up the memories of the people she loved. I didn't want to forget the people I loved. I had only been surviving for so long, I wasn't sure how to move forward and start living.

I hit my hand hard against the steering wheel, dismayed.

"Please don't break the car," AJ said, sitting in the passenger seat.

I startled looking at him. I didn't hear him enter the vehicle.

"Do you want to tell me why Emmett is imitating a statue in the quad?"

"No, I don't."

AJ shook his head, picking out the events. "You are continuing your childishness. We can discuss this at home."

"Don't patronize me." I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

AJ remained quiet as I made our way home, slamming the car door hard before I stomped into the house. My cell phone buzzed. Bella's name flashed on the screen.

"What?" I answered.

_"Why did you say that? You don't hate Emmett."_

"Right now, I am not so sure." I exhaled deeply. "Bella, I'm just angry."

_"We're almost home. We _will_ talk about everything."_ The line went dead.

I threw my phone on the leather sofa and dropped my bag on the floor.

_Great_, I thought. I didn't have the energy to deal with this. I didn't want to fight.

I went upstairs, changed into a pair of pajamas, and sat on the floor of my bedroom with my photo albums. If I was going to dredge up old memories, I might as well find some good ones.

I flipped through my pictures. Rosalie…There were more pictures of Rosalie and Jasper than any of the other Cullens. The tears slid down my cheek. I ran my fingers over Rosalie's frozen smiling face. I had always missed her, but now that she was truly gone, I couldn't contain my misery.

We were not instant friends. In fact, Rosalie didn't want anything to do with me the first few times Bella dragged me to the house. Rosalie would make snide comments and skulk around us. One day, I had enough. She compared me to Bella, and I had enough. I love my sister, but we were not the same. I snapped back at her, standing on the leather sofa yelling at her. She giggled and swung me over her shoulder. It was so funny, but scared the crap out of me at the time. From that point on, we were friends.

My door opened; Emmett standing against the frame.

"You can come in," I whispered.

Emmett joined me on the floor. If it wasn't so sad, it would have been funny to see his massive body curled up on the floor next to me. He paged through another photo album, tracing the pages with his fingertips.

"She can't be gone." I pressed the open book to my chest.

"Anna," Emmett shook his head. "I'm sorry for upsetting you earlier. I shouldn't assume I know what you went through."

He continued to flip through the worn pages, a smile played on the edge of his lips. The pictures were happy memories, Rosalie smiling, her and I goofing off together.

"I remember this day." Emmett pulled out a picture from the metal anchors. I chuckled half-heartedly.

Rosalie and I were huddled together during the summer break. We had been lying on beach towels as the cloudy day made it impossible to enjoy even an ounce of sun. Rosalie was determined to make it a good day. She got magazines and iced tea for me. Emmett and Jasper jumped out of the house with enormous water guns. Rosalie threw her arms around me, using me as a shield. I tried desperately to escape, but we were too busy laughing to care we were soaked. Alice snapped the perfect picture. Our hair wet, curled up together laughing uncontrollably.

"That was a fun day."

"She changed when you entered her life. I know how much you hated being compared to Bella. She never really compared the two of you. She cared about Bella, but she actually resented her a little." Emmett returned the photo to the album. He faced me as he continued. "You, she loved you. She was playful and lighthearted. She let her guard down. I always knew how perfectly wonderful she was and you helped her show that to the world." Emmett lovingly caressed the picture with his finger tips talking softly.

"I miss her, too," I whispered, leaning my head against his shoulder.

"She missed you so much. But we had each other, and it was just enough."

He seemed to struggle as he continued. "The day before we returned to Forks, she made me promise to protect you no matter how things ended. We both promised each other we would go on, if it ended badly. I never expected to lose her." Emmett was hollow, his face vacant as he spoke. His head in his hands. He had been dead for so long living without her.

"Emmett, I'm so sorry." The words weren't adequate to say how terrible I felt for him. My tiny hand rubbed his back, trying to comfort him.

The guilt was consuming as the pain seeped through my body. I didn't know how to push the feelings away and help Emmett. He deserved to be happy, to heal. Rosalie was my friend, and she died to protect me. I had been so angry with them for so long, but now it didn't matter. I would do anything to help Emmett, for her.

Emmett stood quickly, pulling me into his chest. "Thank you."

I nodded. There were no words. I followed him downstairs while he kept hold of my hand, anchoring him to me.

Bella and Jasper sat on the couch, speaking in hushed tones.

"Anna, I want Jasper and Emmett to stay with us this weekend," Bella stated.

"Um..." I was willing to forgive Emmett, but Jasper was another story. "I guess I can do some work this weekend. You guys can spend time together." I could see the wheels turning in Bella's head.

"We have so much to talk about. I think we all have some ghosts to overcome," Jasper said.

"I'm not really ready for you to hear my stories, Jasper." I tried to sound reassuring, but my voice trembled. "But I think it is a good idea for you, Bella and Emmett to spend time together."

"Anna," Jasper sighed.

"Don't." I held up my hands and walked to the kitchen alone.

I vaguely listened to the voices as they planned the weekend. Stuck in my own loneliness and desperation, I wouldn't let myself feel the total pain of losing Rosalie. I hoped I could move forward and let go of all the painful memories.

I hugged Emmett before he left. I held my fake pasted on smile as I shut the door.

"Are you going to be alright?" Bella asked.

"Yeah."

I sat next to her on the couch leaning my head against her shoulder. She smoothed my hair.

"I don't really remember them, but they seem fond of me." Bella remarked. "I know this is hard for you."

I took a deep breath. I sat up looking into Bella's honey eyes. "I don't want to blame them. My hatred has kept me sane, I can't just let it go. What happens if they leave again?"

"I know, Anna." Bella whimpered. "I wish I knew how it was before. I wish I could remember our life before."

"I don't want you to remember, Bella. The memories you have of Alice and Esme are good ones and that's all you need. Good memories."

"I have bad memories, Anna. You need to realize almost losing you is the worst memory all of us have. You are not protecting me by keeping me sheltered." Bella ranted.

"I'm sorry." I hugged Bella. "I love you. I don't want to see you hurt again."

"I know. I love you. Now bedtime." Bella lifted me off the couch turning me toward the stairs. "I will see you in the morning."

"Night, Bells."


	4. Chapter 4

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

I shook my head as AJ walked across the faded grass toward me. I hadn't had a moment to myself in the last few days. Between Bella, Ellie and AJ, I always had a constant companion. Bella said she was just concerned, but she really wanted to ensure that I had accepted the unexpected appearance of Jasper and Emmett.

Ellie and AJ weren't the worst of the inquisitors. They liked to hear the stories of Bella and I. Bella, on the other hand, was relentless. It was a constant stream of questions, mostly asking if I was sure I was alright with this. After the first, 'yes I'm sure', I couldn't believe Bella would think I would change my mind. I loved my sister, but sometimes she worried too much. Of course, that could be said for both of us.

AJ sat next to me stretching his arms along the back of the bench, his ankle resting on his opposite knee. He gazed up at the sky looking completely relaxed. He had mastered hiding his emotions from others. I remembered Edward being the same way.

I never really talked to Edward. It was only after AJ and Ellie began to question me that I wished I had tried harder to get to know him. Bella's past with Edward was a complete mystery to her, and all I could say was that Bella and Edward loved each other very much. In the end, that didn't matter to me because I saw Bella change. Edward left her hopeless. It was hard not to hold some resentment for his actions.

"_Eventually, you have to let things go." _ AJ's constant mantra to me.

I was accustomed to AJ's voice in my head; I didn't always distinguish that he didn't actually speak aloud.

"I am."

"_We wouldn't be upset if you changed your mind. You don't have to be unhappy."_

"I'm not unhappy, just apprehensive." I tossed my empty salad container into the trash next to me. "_I just don't want you to get attached and have them to leave again."_

AJ pulled me into a hug. He pulled my head up to focus into my eyes. "I love you and I will always be here for you."

He kissed my forehead before hugging me once more. I didn't want to let my guard down. I knew bad things happened and that life was filled with good and evil, but I tended to dwell on the negative. It kept people away from me, which kept me from being hurt.

_"Someone wants to talk to you. I will see you tonight._ I love you." AJ kissed the top of my head before smirking and wandering off.

I pushed myself to the edge of the bench searching the nearby faces for someone familiar. AJ must have been amused; he didn't give me a clue as to who wanted to speak with me. I felt idiotic whipping my head from side to side looking for what I knew I wouldn't see. Defeated, I pulled a book from my bag and began to read.

I didn't get lost in the written word as Bella did. I also didn't read what Bella would call literature. Suspense-crime novels or history books seemed to fill my time. I made sure there were no supernatural, fantasy creatures or undying loves. I was lost in the biography of Abraham Lincoln when Jasper finally sat next to me.

"It appears I've rubbed off on you."

Jasper's darkening caramel eyes stared at me, confused. I thought he was reading my emotions. I tried to remain calm and not let my fear overwhelm him.

"You wanted to talk to me," I said.

Jasper turned his head away from me. "I want to mend fences, Anna. What can I do to make sure you don't harbor any ill will?"

"Is that really what you want to know? You, of all people, should know how I feel."

"I can't feel anything from you," Jasper admitted, smiling weakly at me.

The confusion made sense. My family was still watching out for me, reminding me I was the weak one.

"I'm sorry. I will talk to Bella."

"Bella is able to block your emotions from me?"

"I am sure she has something to do with it." _Like telling Ellie to keep a close eye on me, _I thought.

Jasper nodded, scrutinizing me. We had been good friends at one time; even without reading my emotions, he could read my face. I felt our friendship ended decades ago. I was a different person when we knew each other. He looked exactly the same, the wind played with his hair causing it to fall loosely around his eyes. He was so beautiful.

We weren't the same, I reminded myself. I suffered from trauma and heartbreak. I didn't want to imagine what Jasper had been through, but I wouldn't let anyone hurt me again.

"What happened to you?"

His question seemed rude. My hands twisted in my lap as I played the last five years of horrible memories in my head. Bella and I managed to make it through together, always having each other.

I looked up to the fake smile plastered on Jasper's face.

"My life wasn't happy after you left, Jasper. I didn't want you to go. And you leaving caused so many things to happened. And now, I am not sure I want you back in my life." My tone was calm and timid.

"One decision wouldn't ensure others didn't happen," Jasper snapped. "We will never know how it could have been. You need to give up that fantasy and face this reality. Stop blaming us for your life." His anger pouring off of him as he stood facing me.

Even though his words were right, I didn't want to back down.

"I live in a fantasy world full of demons and monsters." I whispered turning toward him. "And you're right, we will never know what could have been, but I would bet it is better than what was. I can't let anyone into this nightmare. And the one person, who I was supposedly meant for, had no problem walking away from me when things got tough. Why should I have expected any different from you?"

My body began to calm without my permission. I relaxed letting the tears escape. Jasper reached out to embrace me. I stood up quickly.

"You and I don't need to be friends for Bella to have you in her life. I can be polite when you're around, but I don't want anything else from you."

I turned and jogged away until I reached the corridor of my office. I walked into my office relieved I was alone. The memories I worked so hard to suppress were beginning to plant themselves into my mind. I wanted to go back to pretending my life was fine, pretending I could handle everything. Jasper and Emmett's return shouldn't prevent me from living my life. How could I explain that I wanted to protect everyone from my own hellish nightmare.

I sighed, giving up on my rambling thoughts. I pulled out a stack of homework assignments from my bag. Absentmindedly, I graded papers and examined experimental formulas. It helped take my mind off Jasper.

I knew the material better than Dr. Johns; it was my main reason behind taking this position. I thought I could get by easily, not having to do much work. I was completely wrong. I didn't get the full meaning of Dr. Johns' spiel about not dealing with students. He didn't grade papers or interact with them for more than the fifty-five minute class time.

I glanced at the clock for the millionth time in only ten minutes. I shook my head. I had one more class before I had to go home and be questioned by Bella. I was sure AJ mentioned Jasper speaking with me. I needed to clear my mind. I need a comfortable distraction.

"Is everything ok?" Madison asked, entering the office. She leaned over me intrusively.

"No." I didn't ask why or want to her to continue.

"I saw you crying with a boy. Are you sure you're ok?"

"That's nothing."

"It didn't look like _nothing. _Any plans this weekend?" Madison changed the subject, throwing her bag on her desk. We weren't friends and neither of us talked more than a few words now and then. I wasn't comfortable talking with her or having her in my personal space.

"I'm hanging out with my family."

"That doesn't sound like much fun."

"I have to get to class."

I hurried from the office into the classroom. I couldn't understand why people thought it was ok to give you their unsolicited opinion on anything. Of course, I knew she was probably right. I couldn't imagine the weekend being super fun. I wanted to see my family, but I wasn't happy about Jasper. I sat at the lone desk flipping through the material trying to concentrate on anything, other than vampires.

Dr. Johns' lecture was boorish and empty. I vaguely recall him leave the room, students rustling papers catching more of my attention.

I took my time organizing my papers before neatly putting them in my bag. I trudged out of the room and down the hall. I suddenly didn't want to face what was waiting for me at home.

I drove the speed limit all the way to the house, the last ditch effort to avoid being home. I pulled my bag from the passenger seat, taking one more long breath, then left the security of my car. I noticed Bella's car was not in front of the house or across the street. _Don't get to excited_, I warned myself. Bella could have easily lent her car to the kids.

I unlocked the door, pushing it open.

"I'm home," I called. There was no answer as I shut the door.

I threw my bag on the couch, skipping into the kitchen. Bella left a note on the counter.

_Anna-_

_ We should be home around dinner. Ellie and AJ went with me to see Emmett and Jasper. Hope you don't mind._

_ Love you,_

_ Bella_

I made a salad before heading to the living room and flipping on the TV. I rotated through the guide twice before settling on _Roman Holiday_. It was one of my favorite Hepburn movies, and I caught it at the beginning. I curled up on the end of the sofa, picking at the lettuce in my salad. I wasn't really hungry once I started watching the movie. I covered myself with a blanket, enjoying the quietness of the house.

My eyes tingled as the movie ended. Even knowing the end, it was still sad to watch Gregory Peck walk away alone. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the couch, it was not easy to forget my own heartbreak. I heard the door open and popped myself up on the couch. Bella walked through the door smiling. Jasper followed behind her.

"How was your day?" Bella asked. She walked over to the couch and stood facing me.

"It was fine."

Jasper shut the door and joined Bella.

"Where's AJ?" I asked.

"He and Ellie decided to stay with Emmett. They will be home tomorrow."

I nodded, turned off the TV then pulled myself off the couch. Bella looked relaxed and happy. I wasn't in the mood to share in her spirits or put on a show.

"I am going to head to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Bella said.

I walked slowly up the stairs.

"What's wrong with her?" Jasper asked.

I stopped and turned on my heel. I knew Jasper had spoken loud enough to annoy me.

"There is nothing wrong with me. What right do you have to assume there is?"

"Anna," Bella cautioned.

"Bella," I mocked.

"I'm sorry, but you have been acting like a crazy person. One moment you seem fine with me being here and the next you seem afraid and unhappy," Jasper stated.

"That doesn't make me a crazy person!" I shouted, stomping down the stairs toward him. "And why do you get to judge me. You haven't been in my life for years, you have no idea what kind of person I am."

"This is what I am talking about." Jasper fumed standing his ground. "The night in the park, you seemed relieved then this week you seemed hateful."

Bella interrupted, "Jasper, you have to give her time. You don't know what she's been through."

"Then tell me."

"Anna, I'm sorry." Bella stepped toward me. I held up my hands preventing her from coming any closer to me. "I thought things were better. You sat with Emmett for so long. I just thought..."

"I'm fine Bella. You two have a nice night."

I turned and skipped up the stairs. I hurt Bella's feelings everytime I pulled away from her. I had let Emmett hold me, but I was completely lost in my own misery to think about Emmett's cold arms around me. I couldn't recall if it bothered me or scared me. It was hard for me to have Bella touch me, and I can't imagine how much I hurt her by not wanting her near me sometimes.


	5. Chapter 5

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

As expected, sleep eluded me. It didn't seem to matter how often I was told Victoria was dead; I couldn't let go of the feeling of being stalked. With the past coming back to me, all those feelings came running back in force.

The sun was not quite up. I rolled over glancing at the clock, only 4 in the morning. I couldn't just lay in bed any longer. One of the benefits of having a sister who doesn't sleep, I wouldn't be awake alone.

Trading the warmth of my bed for the warmth of the shower, I stood in the stream and let the water pelt my body. I was afraid of telling the story of Victoria. I had only shared small bits with Bella. I didn't want Bella to blame herself or become more protective over me. Bella saw me as fragile, infantile...it reminded me of how Edward treated Bella so long ago. _You're such a hypocrite_, I thought.

I knew AJ had seen my darkest secrets - everything I tried to hide. He kept it to himself, insisting that it was up to me to share my story with Bella. After four years, I still hadn't said more than I had to about the whole Victoria incident.

The water began to run cold; a sign that I couldn't hide out any longer. I pulled a towel around me, wiping the steam off the mirror just enough to see my face. I could keep everything to myself. Keep the darkness buried inside me. I could see the differences, everything changed after Victoria...I would never be the girl they left behind. The sister Bella sees when she looks at me.

I left the bathroom, pulling some clothes out and laying them on the bed. I slid on my under clothes and a pair of loose fitting jeans. As I picked up my deep green sweater from my bed, my bedroom door opened. My back was to the door, I glimpsed over my shoulder to see Emmett gaping at me.

"Emmett!" I yelled.

He was gone. I pulled on my sweater and chased after him. I could hear Emmett arguing before I made it down the stairs.

"Don't lie to me, Bella," Emmett yelled.

They were in the kitchen. I eavesdropped from the foot of the stairs.

"Sometimes the story everyone knows, is the important one," Bella snapped back.

"We aren't just anyone. We deserve to know the truth."

"Anna was attacked. Now you know." Bella spat.

"Attacked? She was mutilated." Emmett qualified.

"How could you let her get attacked?" Jasper asked.

"I wasn't there, I would never have let this just happen." I could hear the edge in Bella's voice. She would have given her life to protect me, and she blamed herself for what happened.

My legs began to shake. I forced myself to the sofa. I hated that Bella blamed herself...all because she wasn't with me. We all blamed somebody. Ellie was the only rational one of us, blaming only Victoria. I blamed Edward. If he never took his family away, Bella and I would have been safer. AJ blamed Embry. That put a rift between us the pack.

"ANNA!" Bella yelled

"Geez, what?" Snapping out of my own thoughts.

"I have been calling your name. Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I lied. I looked past her at Emmett and Jasper glaring at me. I snapped, "What?"

"What happened to you?" Emmett dug his hands into his arms. The tension and fear thickening the room.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You're fine?" Emmett mocked. "You are far from fine. Who did that to you?" Emmett flailed his arms.

"It doesn't matter." I turned away from them, dipping my head in my hands.

"It does matter, Anna. It took someone a long time to the damage on your back."

"It's not just her back," Bella whispered.

AJ came out of the kitchen. He embraced me, burying my head in his chest.

"It's ok." AJ murmured in my ear.

"Bella, what happened?" Emmett asked.

"I...Anna?" Bella stuttered.

I turned in AJ's arm facing my confused and hurt sister. "What Bella? What?" My frustration over riding my rational self. "What do you want me to say?"

"Just tell us the truth, Anna. I can't tell them because I know you haven't been completely honest with any of us." Bella yelled, stepping toward me.

"You really don't want to know." I challenged.

"Actually, Anna, I do."

"Fine." I snapped. AJ kept a hold of my arms. "Before you could kill her, Victoria had her fun with me. She took great pleasure in slicing chunks from my skin, breaking my fragile bones and beating the shit out of me, all while I was hung out like a slaughtered pig." I shook off AJ's grip stepping toward Bella. "Is that what you want to hear, Bella? The Victoria left me hanging naked in the dark. That I can still smell the blood and waste. That I can still feel her cold skin rubbing down my body. That I can still hear her voice in my head. Do you really want to know all I had to endure while she merely played with me? Tell me, Bella, does that make you feel better to know the truth?"

"I want to know, Anna." Bella shouted. "You've never told me anything, but the barest of details. I deserve to know, considering it should have been me."

"She didn't care who she had. Victoria only want to hurt you, hurting me did just that."

Bella and I stared at each other, both of us fuming.

"Wait, Victoria did hurt you?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah," Ellie chimed. "She kidnapped her. It took Jake and Leah nearly three weeks to find her."

"We couldn't see her for a month after that," AJ added.

"I went two and half without seeing her." Bella took a step back from me. "I'm sorry. I know it's difficult for you, but no one will tell me what happened. I can't even get Leah or Jake to talk about your condition when they found you. I can see the horror in Jake, I know it was bad, Anna."

"It's over. Can't we just forget about it?" I begged.

"That's just it. You will never forget about it. I just want you to talk about it so we can get through it together. You don't have to be so strong."

Bella was right. I did need to talk about what happened. I couldn't will the words past my throat.

"Embry left her in the woods behind the high school during the graduation ceremony," AJ said flatly.

"That's not fair." Tears streamed down my cheeks. Just hearing his name broke my heart.

"Anna, darlin', you need to reign it in," Jasper requested.

"Am I the only one confused?" Emmett burst out.

"God, Anna." AJ paced around the living room. "He left you for her to find. He ripped your heart out and left you for dead. Why can't you see that?"

"I hurt him. You know that!"

"Anyone who gives that ultimatum doesn't love you. _He_ didn't really love you."

I crumpled to the floor when my legs gave from under me. AJ was right. You can't love someone and give up so easily. I had known for a long time, but still wished that Embry would come back to me. He had told me over and over he needed me, he loved me. My heart shredded to pieces all over again. AJ started to pick me up, but I pushed him away.

"Anna, I'm not doing with this you." Emmett said scooping me up, cradling me in his arms. "You need to tell me what happened."

"It's so awful." I sobbed hiding my face in the crook of Emmett's neck.

I felt the coolness of Emmett's skin against my cheek. I didn't feel threatened or afraid. I was safe in Emmett's arms. I let out the breath I had been holding; his arms tightened around me.

"You're safe. She can't hurt you, if you don't let her," Emmett whispered in my ear.

"I..." my voice cracking under the strain. "I don't remember how she found me. I blacked out and when I awoke I was already in a dark place."

"Who's is Embry? Did he leave you with her?" Emmett strained with anger in his voice.

"Embry is one of Jake's pack. He didn't leave me for Victoria to find. We had a fight. He walked away from me...from us. I shouldn't have stayed in the woods, but I was so confused. Victoria found me. When I saw her, I didn't run or move. I just sat there stunned." The sobs came out harder. "I should have run or at least gotten up, but I didn't. It was my fault she found me...my fault she took me."

"No, sweetie, it wasn't," Emmett soothed. He sat on the sofa keeping me cradled against his chest.

"I was so stupid."  
"What happened after she took you?" Jasper prompted.

I tried to bury myself in Emmett's chest. "I was naked and strung up by my wrists on a chain in a dark room. At first my legs were free, but after I tried to kick her, she shackled each ankle to the ground." I looked at Emmett's face. "I can't do this." My whole body began to shake.

"Yes, you can." Bella pushed. "You give the nightmare too much power by locking inside you. Let us help you."

"She did horrible things to me. She thought it was funny to slice up my back and lick the blood from my body. When I didn't scream or cry out, she found other ways to torture me." The stream of tears soaked Emmett's shirt as the memories flooded back. "I...I'm done. I can't do this."

"Victoria beat her bloody, licked the blood from her body then cut into her while she whimpered. No food and little water. When the beatings got boring, she started breaking bones, and when that lost her interest she watched as a male ravaged Anna's body. Victoria watched others torture Anna. Anna had to watch others please Victoria. When Jake and Leah found Victoria's hiding place, Anna was nearly dead. Victoria had been in a small fishing cabin up the mountain. There was blood and bodily fluids laced through out the small building. Anna was missing chunks of flesh, and most of her cuts were severely infected. After being basically comatose for two days, they had her sedated until she was hydrated and healing. Anna woke up and freaked out. The IV got ripped out of her arm when she lunged for the corner of Leah's room, trying to get away from them. It took her passing out again before they could get her into bed. Charlie refused to let them restrain her after what happened. Everyone thought if it were only women in with her, Anna would be better. Leah and Sue sat with her, but it didn't matter. Victoria did have preference for who she let torture her. Anna could have anyone near her for a week. That's why we weren't allowed to see her right away. Jake didn't want anyone to have the memory of Anna that way."

I hid my face as AJ told the story he had heard in my head over the years. He had a unique advantage knowing what Leah and Jake saw when they found me. I continued to cry as everyone began to chatter quickly to each other.

"She can't hurt you any more." Emmett mumbled into my hair as he carried me up the stairs.

He walked into my room and placed me on the bed. I turned away from him and curled myself into a small ball. I just wanted to disappear, to have the pain and nightmares vanish. After years, Victoria still haunted my life.

"Anna." The bed dipped. Emmett pulled over into his chest. "Baby, please, let me help you."

I relaxed, my head against his shoulder, my hand on his chest. He held the hand onto his chest and ran his other hand down my back. He didn't talk, he just held me until I fell asleep, safe in his embrace.


	6. Chapter 6

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**.

**I revised the previous chapters.**

I woke alone, cover tightly in my bed. I stretched feeling sore after being curled on my side all night. I rolled my neck and shoulders trying to release the tension. Taking a deep breath, I decided a shower would be better. I stripped off my clothes as I walked to my in-room bathroom. Yawning, I opened the door. I stopped, surprised by the hot mist hitting my skin. Emmett stopped drying off his hair and looked at me.

"Holy crap, Emmett," I shouted slamming the door between us.

"Anna," AJ called opening the bedroom door.

Stuck between two uncomfortable situations, I chose to duck into the bathroom. Having AJ see me standing naked seemed worse then Emmett. I cracked the bathroom door and peeked through the small crack.

"I'm fine. Please get out," I told AJ when he bounded into my room.

"You sure," he smiled walking to the bed.

"I hate you," I spat shutting the bathroom door.

I leaned my forehead on the bathroom door, my bare back expose to Emmett.

"Get in the shower, Anna." Emmett demanded.

I glanced over my shoulder, Emmett was facing away from me. I padded to the tub and stepped into the safety of the shower. I turned on the water trying to dodge the initial cold sputter of the spray.

"I didn't realize how many scars you have," Emmett said.

I pulled the curtain back enough to poke my head out. Emmett was leaning against the sink, a towel around his waist. I couldn't help to look up and down his strong muscular body. I lingered on the towel wondering if it could possible match the rest of him.

"See something you like?" He joked.

"Sorry." I flushed being caught ogling. "It's been a while since I man has been half naked in front of me."

"You and AJ?"

"Oh god, I think I threw up a little bit." I put my hand on my mouth mimicking sickness.

"You two seem very chummy."

"Um, yeah...he's family. That's so disgusting."

"I am like family and you are checking me out." Emmett crossed his arms over his chest, resting himself against the sink.

"You are _like_ family Emmett. AJ is family." I waved my hand trying to erase the image from his mind. "What about my scars?"

Emmett sighed, "She really did a number on you. Your back isn't the worst of it."

"Thanks. I guess." I pulled the curtain shut.

"That's not how I meant it."

"I don't want to talk about it. I know how bad it is, I don't need you to remind me."

I washed up trying to ignore the nagging feeling that Emmett was right. It was bad and I would never find anyone who would be accepting. I ran my hand down the deepest scars on my torso. They ran from below my breast, across my abdomen to my hip. There were three of them that were a half inch wide, I had needed so many stitches, they stopped counting. I had smaller scars on my breasts. Who wants someone so damaged? I can't hide the baggage I accumulated over the years. My baggage is a slap in the face for anyone. Bella and Ellie assumed that I had been intimate with Embry, but I couldn't let him touch me. He held my hand and kissed me, but I was too wound up to let him put his hands on me. I turned off the shower, pulling myself together. I would be ok, even if I was alone. I ripped the shower curtain aside.

"God Emmett," I snapped trying to hide behind a small corner of the curtain.

A devilish smile slowly spread across his face. "Do you trust me?" He asked playfully.

"With that tone, no."

"Anna, let go of the shower curtain and I will hand you a towel."

"First hand me a towel."  
"Get over yourself, Anna." Emmett pushed off the sink. He pulled the towel from his hips and handed it to me.

My skin reddened. I pulled the curtain closed.

"Cover yourself."

Emmett pulled the curtain open and stepped inside the shower with me. He caught my hand as I tried to back away.

"I don't want anything, just relax. I want to see the scars."

"I think part of you wants something," I joked seeing he was slightly excited.

"Your a beautiful, naked woman, it's kind of a no brainer."

"Fine." I crossed my arms under my breasts. "Look."

Emmett didn't touch me, but he looked at my skin in a clinical way. I watched him pull away from me, tempted to touch the deep pink scars. After turning me a couple times, he handed me a towel before he exited the shower. The bathroom door closed before I opened the curtain...Emmett was gone. My only thought was he was repulsed by trying to be nice and look at my skin. I knew it wasn't pretty, but he was the first man to see me naked since Victoria. I dressed in a faded pair of jeans, a fitted tee, and my University of Washington sweatshirt.

"The game's going to start soon," AJ said when I made it downstairs.

I cuddled up next to him on the couch, pulling my legs under me.

"You ok," AJ asked throwing his arm over my shoulder.

"Yeah."

"Really, Anna?" he smirked. "Please stop thinking of the shower."

"Sorry."

"You are beautiful. You know that."

"Thanks, baby, but you really don't count."

"I love you, I know that counts."

"I love you, too."

A growl caught my attention. I turned to see Jasper and Emmett standing behind the couch. They both were looking down at me.

"What?" I asked feeling my face heat. I couldn't help thinking of Emmett naked in the shower.

AJ shot up, hands on hips. "ANNA!"

"Sorry," I muttered turning back to the TV.

"What's up?" Ellie asked walking from the kitchen.

"Nothing," AJ lied.

Ellie walked over to AJ taking his hand. Her eyes fell on me as she pulled the images from AJ.

"Wow, Emmett, I'm impressed," Ellie laughed. She gave a hip check to Emmett before coming to sit next to me.

"I'm missing something," Jasper stated. He pointed to Emmett, "You're ashamed, Ellie is thrilled, AJ is pissed and Anna is embarrassed and sad."

Bella walked into the living room, hearing Jasper's assessment.

"What's going on?" She asked in a teasing tone.

"Nothing," AJ and I said together.

Bella cocked her brow and looked at Ellie.

"It's not my story," Ellie giggled. "But my hint would be Emmett is the whole package of big and muscular."

"Oh god." I hid my face mortified.

"Were you impressed, Anna?" Emmett asked..

"Shut up." I shouted. "I didn't _say_ anything."

"AJ?" Bella questioned.

"Don't blame me. She was scanning the images over and over. I told her to stop."

"Ellie?"

"Yeah, I took them. I wanted to know," Ellie pouted grabbing Bella's hand.

"ANNA?" Bella shouted bring color back to my face.

"Do not blame me. It was him." I stood up pointed at Emmett. "I just..."

"You just looked," Bella laughed.

"And lusted," Ellie added.

"Elizabeth," Bella scolded.

"You saw it, Mom. She wanted him...well a certain part of him."

I felt my legs turn to jello. I held on to the arm of the couch trying to breath. My family was happily sharing my thoughts and visions with each other, and Emmett. I fell to my knees, putting my head on the floor.

"Please, stop." Jasper begged. "Anna's mortified and I can barely keep it together."

"Did she call you mom?" Emmett asked.

I heard such pain in Jasper's voice. I tried to pull myself together. It's over. Everyone knows. AJ pulled me off the floor.

"_Sorry. I was shocked. He's not embarrassed about it."_ AJ brushed the hair out of my face.

"Well, I am a little embarrassed." I turned to look at all of them. "This cannot happen. What if something more happened? You all would know about it and chat about it like this?"

"Anna, it's not like that," Bella warned.

"It's not. Really, Bella?" I stepped toward her. "What happened with Emmett?"

"He looked at your scars," she whispered.

"And?"

"You didn't seem upset."

"Very diplomatic." I stormed into the kitchen.

"Hey darlin'." Jasper sat on the stool next to me. "Apparently, something happened with Emmett, and I am the only one out of the loop."

"I saw him naked and he saw me. That's it."

"What does AJ think about that? He's not upset with you, is he?"

I huffed, "Why would he be upset with me?"

"I thought you two were together."

"What the hell! What am I doing that makes people think I'm a pedophile?"

"What?" Jasper laughed.

AJ laughter boomed from the living room.

"Ew, that's gross!" Ellie exclaimed.

"You let him hold you, you love him, he lives here," Jasper rattled off.

"Yeah, so does Bella. You don't think I'm screwing her."

"Well, no. She's your sister."

"And AJ is my nephew."

"So she did call you mom," Emmett bellowed.

"I thought Bella talked to you about this." I looked around Jasper at Bella.

"I told them they were our family." Bella fidgeted with her fingers.

"Wait, Ellie and AJ are Bella's?" Jasper asked.

"Yes."

"No, they are what, eighteen. Bella would have been 4 or 5 to have them."

"Um, they are no more eighteen than you are."

Jasper and Emmett looked at Bella.

"They will be five in October." Bella held hands with her children.

"That's not..." Jasper voice trailed off.

"You are on the right track," AJ told him. "We have never met our father, but you seem him in us now that you know."

"How could he leave you? How could he not tell us?" Jasper stood up fisting his hands. "If he ever comes back, I'm going to beat him senseless."

"Edward?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, he didn't know when he left," Bella defended.

"Is that why you've been changed?" Emmett asked.

"I changed her after I was born. She would have died." AJ held his mother to his chest.

"You can change humans?" Jasper asked.

"Only AJ. I am not venomous."

"And you saw Anna naked?" Jasper asked Emmett.

"Really, that's what you want to know?" Emmett joked. Seeing Jasper's anger Emmett held up his hands. "I just wanted to see the scars. They are pretty bad."

"I can't wrap my head around all of this," Jasper said running his hands through his hair. "Will they always age this fast?"

AJ stepped toward Jasper. "He really only wanted to see the scars and she really wasn't interested. Ellie and I don't know how we will age."

"Stay out of my head," Jasper snapped.

"Good luck with that." I smarted off.

"I need some air." Jasper walked out the front door. Bella glanced at AJ, then followed after him.

"You are the biggest prick, Emmett." I rolled my eyes knowing the whole incident started with Emmett in my bathroom.

"You think I have the biggest prick." Emmett joked. "Wow, Anna. Thanks."

The four of us burst into fits of laughter as Emmett wiggled his brows.


	7. Chapter 7

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT!**

After everything that happened with Emmett, and all the talking, I thought things would be better between the six of us. But I was wrong. Whenever Emmett and Jasper were around the mood was uncomfortably tense. Being the most vulnerable person in the house meant that I was under constant watch. The first couple of days didn't bother me. Emmett would walk me to classes and Jasper would run with me at night. It was easy.

But a week later, and I was ready to kill them. I began to dread having to go home or be anywhere but in my office. I was relieved students were falling behind and needing my help, but it kept me away from my family. As my birthday rolled around, I really started to get pissed off at all the vampires in my house.

Bella wanted to have a family night and celebrate my birthday. After she was changed, it was only my birthday. It was another reminder of how I lost my sister.

"You've got to let it go. Bella is still here, and she is still your sister," AJ scoffed.

"I don't need you to analyze me." I began picking up my desk to head home.

"Really? Because your bipolar behavior would signal otherwise."

"Being smother tends to do that to people."

"Anna," AJ sighed stopping me from leaving my office. "You either want them here or you don't. I can't see the issue."

"It's not that simple." I shoved past him. "I don't need a babysitter."

"It's your birthday, you could at least be happy for that."

"Look," I said turning to face him in the hall. "I didn't make any plans today. I am being a good girl, and going home right after school. This day isn't a happy day for me, but I will try for Bella." My anger faded thinking of how much Bella regretted what had happened to her. AJ followed me silently to the car.

I watched AJ mull things over as I drove us home. I kept my mind on the assignments I needed to correct or the lesson I was going to tutor. It didn't take much to keep AJ out, but I knew he hated when I tried. AJ jumped out as the car stopped at the curb. I pulled myself out after him, checking the mail as I went into the house. A couple of envelopes addressed to me, I was sure they were birthday cards. The first one was a man fishing, surprises...surprise it was from Charlie.

_Happy Birthday, Anna. Dad._ written on the inside.

I open the second envelope as I walked through the front door.

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Embry..._

The card taken from my hand before I could finish, not that it mattered I read enough of it to know what it was. I felt the last pieces of my heart crumble.

"Give me that," I demanded.

"You don't need to see it," AJ handed the card to Bella.

"He sent you an invitation." Bella shook her head. "That's just wrong."

She was right. He was trying to hurt me, to prove to me he moved on. I walked past everyone mumbling I wanted to run alone. I quickly changed. As I headed out the door I could hear Bella and AJ arguing. I wasn't suppose to know about the wedding.

"I don't need babysitting." I vented slamming the door.

I just needed to be alone and clear my head.

I jogged to the park, like every other night, only this time I did it without Jasper shadowing me. I was so stupid. I thought that Embry would come back, that he would be more understanding. This only proved he would never go against everything he was to be with me. When the tears began to blind me, I leaned against a tree trying to compose myself.

"Are you alright?"

I was so caught up in myself I hadn't notice someone walk up to me. I turned away from him wiping my face. "I'll be fine." My voice trembled with pain.

"Anna?"

I turned around, confused.

"Seriously? You've got to be kidding me." I threw my arms up and stomped my foot in defeat.

Edward stood in front of me slightly amused. His face held the same crooked grin, but his features worn. He seemed as defeated as I was. I didn't want to feel sorry for him, I didn't need my day getting worse.

"I am not trying to make this day any worse. I have seen you run through here for the last few nights. I wouldn't have said anything to you, but you are very upset."

"I just..."

"...don't want to talk about it." Edward finished my thought.

"Look, it's not you."

"It is me. I've heard your thoughts as you run."

I exhaled loudly. "What do you want?"

"I came looking for Jasper and Emmett. I was shocked that when I found Jasper running with you. I followed you two and saw Bella and Emmett." His face dropped as he said her name.

"Why didn't you just come by and see us or them?"

"I might have, but I could tell from Jasper's thoughts that you were really upset with their arrival. I didn't want to make everything worse."

"That is not why I am upset." I turned looking him in the eye. "You did make it worse. You left and turned my life upside down. You don't get to choose when to hurt us again."

"That's not what I meant." Edward stumbled backward. "I'm sorry I ruined your birthday."

I giggled, "I wish you were the one to ruin my birthday this year."

"He doesn't deserve you. If he gave you up then it wasn't meant to be. Do you really think that me staying would have made it easier for you and him?"

"So... you and Bella weren't meant to be? You gave her up." I challenged.

"Maybe we weren't. She has her own life. From what I hear from Jasper and Emmett, she seems happy."

"I just kept hoping..." I fell to my knees sobbing uncontrollably.

"If I would have stayed, you might have had an easier time, but I don't think you can tell me for certain Embry would have approved of me in your family."

"But I might have been able to find someone. To not feel like such a freak."

Edward knelt next me and rubbed circles on my back.

"I am truly sorry for everything that has happened to you. You don't deserve it and neither did Bella."

"The beauty of memory loss." I joked.

Edward looked puzzled.

"You know she was changed? I'm the only human in that house."

"I knew," Edward said sadly.

"You don't seem as irrational as I expected." I pulled my legs under me and rested my back against the tree. Edward followed crossing his legs, facing me.

"I really wasn't. I don't understand what's happened, but I was grateful she was happy and alive."

"She doesn't remember alot." I hedged. "She has a lot of her memories of me and Charlie. We remind her of parties, family, events. Since we didn't really spend a lot of time reminding her about you or your family, she has very limited knowledge. And no offense, but I thought it was better that way."

"She was miserable when I left," he stated after hearing it in my head.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. Anna, you have to know I didn't mean to hurt either of you."

"But you did." I thought of Bella, the kids and Victoria. We had made it through the last five years together. But now, Bella has everyone babysitting me.

"I tried to find and kill Victoria. Another failure on my part." Edward began to stand up.

"You did?"

"I was tracking her. I lost her in South America. I had no idea she came back to Forks."

"Do you still love Bella?" I asked.

"I love her, but not how you mean. I don't know what will happen when I see her. I have someone else, and I don't want to hurt her. She seems happy with...everything, so I hope that she will be accepting of me."

"You're being vague."

"I am?" Edward questioned sarcastically.

"What aren't you telling me?"

I stood up dusting the dirt off my pants.

"They're not babysitting you," Edward informed me, changing the subject.

"What? How do you know?"

"I know." Edward smiled tapping his head. "Emmett wants to keep your friendship. He is comfortable and happier around you." Edward took several steps away from me. "After knowing how he was when he lost Rosalie, it proved even more to me that I didn't love Bella that way. I feel like such an ass." He looked up at me. "Jasper...Jasper wants to earn your trust back. He needs to know you forgive him."

"They are driving me insane." I said through clenched teeth.

"Yeah, I did find that rather funny." Edward pressed his lips together hiding his amusement. "You have thought about trying to hurt them over and over. It wont dissuade them, and Emmett would only find it fitting."

I sighed stepping toward Edward.

"You're hiding something from me." Fear crossed his face for a moment. I had spent so long thinking he left because he wanted her, that he loved her. Maybe him leaving was better for Bella. He didn't want her the same way, and they wouldn't spend their lives wondering.

"I have spent so many years hating you and well, everyone. You are probably not the most horrible person, but maybe if you come back with me..."

"You think they will focus on me?" Edward shook his head.

"Come on, you owe me." I coaxed.

"You would bring me home...someone you really don't like, to keep my brothers from hounding you?"

"YES!" I joked. "I am seriously insane. AJ called me bipolar today. It is bad." I looked down, I hadn't talked about AJ or Ellie.

"I know about them. I can't read them, but I have heard Bella talk about how they aren't sure whether they hate me or not."

"They won't hate you," I whispered.

"Anna, you can't bring me into your life just to solve a recent problem. An issue that will go away. Emmett may hound you forever, but Jasper just wants to know you forgive him. And Embry, you will find someone." Edward took my hand. "If I enter your life, I am not leaving. I want more than anything to get to know Bella and her children."

"Good. If you leave them, they can kill you. And I am upset about Embry, but I think I have some perspective. He's marrying someone else. It really doesn't matter how I feel about you, you should be with your family. I'm finding I hate you less and less." I pulled his hand with me and headed home...where the lions will eat us alive.

"They will only eat me alive, Anna. They really do love you, me they loathe."

"Stay out of my head." I giggled, giving him a hip checked. "Did you like that about Bella, that you couldn't read her?"

Edward kept my slow walking pace. "It did intrigue me, but it is not what I liked about her. She, and you, are not smart and funny, there are so many reasons."

"Can you read your new girl?" I asked fishing for information.

"I'm not discussing that with you."

"Whatever." I waved my hand dismissing the gossip I wanted. "I hated that you could read me and not her."

"AJ? Do you hate that about him?  
"Well, no..'

"He can read Bella. Interesting," Edward mused.

I tried to process the information from Edward, and the actions that got me to bring Edward home. He did deserve to know his family, whether he and Bella were together or not. Growing up with divorced parents, I wasn't too screwed up. Emmett and Jasper were another annoyance. Edward seemed so sure they just wanted friendship and forgiveness. Emmett and I were not really friends. I loved Rosalie, and he was there when we hung out, but he and I never just hung out together not like Jasper. Jasper was _my_ friend. We had casual conversations, he would joke with me, he was just there for me like a friend should be. I hadn't forgiven him, but if this was important to him, I should start trying. I cleared my head as we walked up my street.

"Are you ready for this?" I asked standing on the steps of my house.

"No, but let's get it over with." Edward took my hand and followed me into the house.


	8. Chapter 8

**SM owns Twilight.**

I braced myself, pulling Edward into the house behind me. The living room was empty...kitchen - empty. Edward sat at the breakfast bar looking at the birthday cake. I opened the fridge, finding something to make for dinner.

Emmett bound through the back door, skidding to a halt. "What are you doing here?"

"I invited him," I said closing the fridge empty-handed. "Where is everyone?"

"Bella thought you would be out longer. They went for a hunt." Emmett was still focused on Edward.

I walked between Emmett, leaning against the counter, and Edward. "You two will play nice."

"She asked me here." Edward stood, tightly gripping the counter.

A growl rumbled though Emmett's chest.

"Knock it off, Emmett." I pulled him into the living room. "You can leave."

"If he's staying, I'm staying." His arms crossing his massive chest.

I waved him off. "Suit yourself."

I made myself dinner, while the boys sat silent. Ignoring the tension was easier if I kept busy. Heating the chicken and rice didn't take long. I pulled the plate from the microwave, grabbed a beer and sat at the dining room table. Edward and Emmett were talking too low and quick for me to understand. I picked through my dinner, pushing it away not finishing it. Sucking down the rest of my beer, I cleared the tabled. Bella entered the kitchen followed by Jasper and the kids. I jumped in front of Edward, my dishes crashing in the sink.

"What the hell." AJ took the two steps toward me, his eyes boring into me.

"I invited him." Resting my head on AJ chest. "I can't do this anymore."

Something snapped when I saw the invitation. There was enough sadness and dread in my past. _I'm done._ _I want a normal life._

I backed out of the kitchen. "You all talk. I'm going to bed."

"Anna." Bella rushed to me. "It's your birthday. Please don't do this."

I hugged her before walking up the stairs. I dressed for bed, the yelling from downstairs echoed throughout the house. Shaking off the guilt, I curled up on my bed.

The next weeks were tense. I kept my distance while Bella tried to get her family together. The positive, I wasn't hounded by anyone...the negative, there was constant stream of profanity and yelling in my house, and I began to dwell on my unhappiness.

I stood glaring at my reflection in the full length mirror. The tight gray fallen angel costume was sexy, but still cover most of my skin. The wings large, fun, and thankfully, removable. The four-inch, gray knee-high boots...dangerous. I almost did agree to going to a Halloween party when Caleb asked, but I tiny piece of me really wanted to go out and let loose.

Caleb picked me up at eight exactly, dressed as Batman with inflatable muscles...so funny. Getting me into the small hatchback was difficult, and caused Caleb and I to giggle the way to the bar where the party was taking place. Caleb parked the car and helped me extricate me.

"You should take them off." Caleb pulled on the wings.

"I know, but it makes the costume."

"You whack someone in the face, and they're off," Caleb said opening the door to the bar. "Let's get a drink, then find a table."

Caleb leaned against the wooden slab waving his hand to grab the bartender's attention. "What do you want?"

"Long Island Ice-tea." Might as well drink and enjoy tonight.

Caleb took my free hand after handing me the tall glass. The room was full, but I guessed it would be packed in the coming hours. We made our way to an occupied table. Caleb introduced me, but I didn't notice the names. The two girls at the table had me feeling overdressed, nearly naked women scattered throughout the bar.

Gulping half my glass in one swift drink did nothing to calm my nerves. "I'm going to get another." I finished my drink on the way back to the bar.

"Anna?"

I turned, smacking Daniel in the face with my right angle wing. "Crap, sorry." I slid each arm of the elastic holding the wings to my body. "I shouldn't have worn them."

"You're fine." Daniel snapped his fingers for the bartender. "What are you having?"

"Another Long-Island," I said.

Daniel ordered a beer and pulled out his money.

"Let me... For hitting you in the head." I pulled a twenty from my small bag and left it on the bar.

"Are you here with anyone?" Daniel asked walking me away from swarm of patrons waiting for drinks.

"Um, Caleb. He works with me." My face heated. I didn't want to explain I wasn't _here_ with Caleb, but I didn't want Daniel to think I was alone.

"Friends?" He asked following me to the table.

"Yes." I hung my wings my stool at the table.

Daniel sat between Caleb and I at the table. After a half an hour, I got up frustrated. Daniel and Caleb had been in heavy conversations, and I sat silent. I decided another drink would cloud my judgment and make me care less about being ignored. I waited in the crowd pushing to get to bartender.

"You're mad." Daniel slipped his arm around my waist.

"No." Crossing my arms under by chest did not make my point. "I haven't been out in ages...I want to have fun for once."

"My turn for drinks," Daniel said. He pushed his way to the front. He order to shots and a beer.

"You don't expect me to drink this." I held the shot glass in my hand.

"Yes." He threw his shot back hissing a breath before taking a pull of beer. "Be fast, then chase it." He held the bottle toward me.

"Fine." I didn't take the drink nearly fast enough, it burned all the way to my gut. I grabbed the bottle and sucked trying to extinguish the heat.

Daniel finished the beer setting the bottle and the shot glasses back on the bar. "Dance now."

Before I could object, Daniel had stuffed me on the dance floor. Daniel's hands on my hips moving me with the rhythm. After a few songs, Daniel and I melded together. His hands had slipped from hips to the small of my back, his finger tips grazing the top of my bottom, pressing my body against his, swaying to the music. The DJ announced for everyone to clear the floor for costume contests. Daniel laced his fingers with mine ushering me again towards the bar.

"What would you like?"

"Water." The numb drunk feeling had already settled in my limbs, more alcohol was not going to make the night better.

Daniel smiled, his eyes heated. His free hand lightly touched my cheek, tilting my chin up as his lips met mine. Our lips moved in unison, his tongue gently licked my lower lip before pulling away. My body went hot, and I release his hand.

"I didn't mean..."

"Don't." I pressed my head and hands against his chest. "I should go."

"I'll walk you to you a cab."

"It's fine." I slid my hands around his neck, hugging him. "Thanks."

Daniel took my hands, kissed my fingertips. "I'll walk you out."

The cold night air did nothing to cool my body. I sucked in deep breaths as Daniel hailed a cab.

He held the door open for me. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

"I don't think so." I avoided looking at his face. "I can't compromise my career. I'm sure there is a rule somewhere..."

Daniel lifted my face and kissed me. "It's a phone call. You could be helping me study."

"I can't. I'm sorry." Touching his cheek, I kissed him quickly before entering the cab.


	9. Chapter 9

**SM owns Twilight.**

A slight hangover, I thought when I opened my eyes. The yelling from downstairs producing a pounding in my head. I washed up, trying to clean last night off my face, before heading down. AJ and Jasper flailed their arms, yelling at Edward.

"Morning, Anna." Edward said.

I waved him off heading for the kitchen. I drank water and picked up some bacon left on the counter.

"Rough night?" Emmett asked.

"I'm fine." I finished the bacon and made some toast. "What are they fighting about this time?"

"What aren't they fighting about?" Emmett rolled his eyes.

I plopped on the couch with my buttered toast and water, switching on the football game. "Be quiet or leave." I warned.

Edward and Emmett sat on either side of me. AJ brought me some aspirin before he left the house with Jasper.

"Where's Bella?"

"She and Ellie went to the cabin. Seems they don't like the yelling either."

"I'm not leaving," Edward said.

"You don't have to leave." I leaned my head on Edward's shoulder.

"The door's for you," Edward said before the knock.

I answered the door. "Daniel?"

"Hey, um...you forgot your wings." Daniel held out the tattered accessory.

"Thanks."

"Why don't you join us," Edward said.

"Yeah, we're just watching the game."

Daniel raised his brow.

"It's fine." I opened the door further. "You remember Emmett. This is Edward. They are friends from back home. Guys this is Daniel."

"Nice to meet you." The boys said in unison.

"Who else is playing?" Daniel asked

"It's Washington State and the Ducks." Emmett slumped into the couch.

The four of us cheered and yelled at the TV as the game went on. Emmett thought it would be funny to cheer on Washington State. The game was nearly over when AJ and Jasper came home with pizza. I followed them to the kitchen.

"So...what were you fighting about today?" I asked snagging a piece of pizza.

"Nothing." Jasper smirked before joining the boys in the living room.

"It's nothing. Really." AJ pressed. "Isn't that I guy from one of your classes?"

"Yeah. Daniel. He returned my wings." I blushed remembering the night before. I heard Edward snicker from the living room.

_"You like him."_

I shrugged eating my pizza.

_"Just a kiss?" _

"Yes. Now drop it."

"Hey Anna." Daniel stepped into the kitchen. "I'm gonna take off. Thanks."

"You want so pizza for the road?"

"No. Thanks though." Daniel looked around the kitchen. AJ had ducked out. "Are we ok?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I like you, Anna." He held up his hand to stop me from interrupting. "I know. You can't risk it, but it's only for another month or so. Then I will be out of your class."

I wanted to see him again. "If you need help, you can stop by anytime."

"Anytime?" Daniel stepped closer to me.

My hand rested on his chest to discourage any intimacy. "Yes. Anytime."

"Hopefully, I will see you soon." Daniel hugged me quickly before walking out the door.

Edward joined me in the kitchen as I polished off a few pieces of pizza. He rested against the wall.

"I know you better than that." I snapped. His demeanor was calm, but his eyes showed his apprehension.

Edward shrugged, a movement that did not really fit.

"Spill it or leave me alone."

"They're worried about you. AJ said you really like that guy, and he seems to really like you."

"And that's bad. I should never want anyone? Or no one should want me?"

"That's not it." Edward pushed off the wall. "We have to be extra careful, you know that."

"You don't think I know that!" I threw down the crust and stepped toward Edward. "I have been careful. I'm alone, Edward. In a house full of people, I'm the one who doesn't have anyone. I can't bring anyone home, I can't get close to anyone for a long time." Edward wrapped his arms around me, my anger losing out over despair. "I don't want to be alone."

"You need to be happy, Anna. Bella can take care of herself, and she has us now. You can always leave her."

Edward hit her deepest fear, leaving her family. "I can't leave them."

"You can. If the right person came along, you could. It wouldn't be an ultimatum, and it wouldn't be forever. You would visit. It would work out."

Embry's last argument flitted through my mind. He had told me to give up my family for my happiness.

Edward hugged me tighter. "He did not give you a choice. You cannot give up your family. When it's right, you will find balance. Embry wasn't right, no matter what their fairy tales tell them."

I was injured and torn apart. I didn't think I could let someone get close to me...close enough that I would leave my family for them. What guy wants someone who is so damaged.

"You are not damaged." AJ said.

"I am."

"How can you think that?" Jasper walked into the kitchen pulling me away from Edward.

"Look at me. I can't be intimate with anyone. How do I ever explain the mess?" I gestured my hands over my body.

Edward flinched. Emmett's face pained at the memory.

"It's bad." I said.

"Anyone who loves you wouldn't care."

"He didn't want you," AJ snapped.

"Not after I was beaten and..."

"Stop." AJ grabbed my shoulders shaking me gently. "You are smart, funny, beautiful."

Tears slid down my face. "AJ." I pulled away from his grasp. "I know you believe that. I won't see Daniel."

Edward blocked my way from the kitchen. "That is not what we said. You should see him. He is interested in you. Don't block him out because your afraid. Trust me, you will never live if you keep love out."

AJ stood next to Edward. "Anna, this is the first time you have shown interest in anyone. Just see if it _can_ go anywhere. If it does, we will help you work through it...If it doesn't, we will help pick up the pieces so you can start again."

I nodded. They were right.

The conversation rang in my head as I made it to my first class on Monday. Dr. Johns was standing at the podium going through a mass of papers. I greeted him as I walked to my desk. He nodded, but did not speak. Dr. Johns played games. He wanted people to fear him or at least be uncomfortable around him. I did not give into this. I could care less if he talked to me or if he wanted me to wait to hear whatever nonsense he had to say.

I pulled out my planner, grade book and text notes. Dr. Johns had insisted on correcting the midterms, and I was suppose to record grades.

"Miss Swan," Dr. Johns placed several folders on the desk. "anyone who's grade is a C or lower will need to take study sessions. You will need to direct these and plan out at least two a week for each Chemistry and three for Physics."

I nodded. My annoyance showed on my face.

"I also have news." He handed me a thick white envelope. "Your appeal decision. It was my notification. I am not sure when yours will arrive, but I thought you would like to know."

The envelope was addressed to Dr. Johns and had been opened. This couldn't be a good sign. I pulled out the thick packet of pages. I flipped through pages, trying to find the final decision.

"I know you were finishing your doctorate, when this mess started. I would like to extend my assistance if you would like to finish your doctoral work here." Dr. Johns sat down at the chair next to the desk. "From your academic records, it wouldn't take you a semester, than approval of your thesis. I would hate to lose an assistant, but you could be a student aide for me instead. I would be your academic advisor, and I can push through your paperwork."

I stopped reading, I hadn't found the decision, but if he was offering me a chance to get my doctorate here with him, the decision didn't seem to be in my favor.

"I don't know what to say. I hadn't planned on pursuing my doctorate in Physics after all this." I waved the papers.

"I understand your apprehension, but I will not allow another to degrade your work. You have a bright and insightful mind. Don't waste it sitting at this desk." He stood up as students entered the room. He had never acknowledged me or complimented me ever. The soft features of his face changed as he walked to the podium and began his lecture. I shoved the paper into my bag. In the back of my mind, I wanted this decision to be in my favor. For the first time, I wasn't upset about losing. Dr. Johns had given me another option. It was nice to have someone of his caliber believe in me. After the class ended, I caught Dr. Johns at the door.

"I think I would like to pursue my doctorate."

"You read the decision?"

"No, but it doesn't matter." I took a deep breath. "The decision will always be marked with negativity. I think I need to move on."

Dr. Johns smiled. "I'm pleased to hear that. Plus, it will irritate Dr. Langford that after all you fought for, you are going for Physics."

"Thank you." I hugged him, surprising both of us.

"You are very welcome. I meant what I said. You deserve more than an assistant position. I will bring the enrollment documents. You can complete them and return them to me. I will push this through for you. Next semester you will be a lowly graduate student."

"I've never had anyone do this for me."

"It is not just for you. I will be getting a very qualified Physicist out of the deal. I mean, I would hope you would stay and work with me once you completed your work."

I nodded.

"You will be very busy the next few weeks. I expect all the grades to be brought up before the final." Dr. Johns switched his tone, serious and demanding.

"Of course. I will set up the study groups."

I couldn't believe my luck. I grabbed my bag and headed for my office to organize my study group times. I signed out the lecture hall for the week, assigning Chemistry groups on Monday, Wednesday and optional Fridays at 6pm and Physics at 730pm all week. I also schedule Saturday mornings, incase anyone wanted extra help. I went through the midterms, noting all students with lower grades. There were more students than I expected. I typed up a generic letter, deciding to give it to all the students. It would make it easier for me. I made sure it stated required and mandatory for any student with a lower grade on their midterms. I checked Daniel's grade, an A...figures. I would be too busy to spend any time with him.

"There's a rumor going around you got a letter today." Daniel said after his class.

"Yeah. But it doesn't matter. Dr. Johns is going to let me finish my Doctorate here."

"Really? That's great." He shook the printed letter I handed out after class. "I can come to these?"

"Why would you want to do that? You don't need any help."

"Aren't you leading the groups?"

"Yes."

"I will be at all of them." Daniel walked out of the room before I could respond.

I smiled the rest of the day. I felt lighter, and happier than I had in a while. The week was quick. I gave all my documents to Dr. Johns; I started the study sessions on Wednesday; I barely had enough to time to eat and sleep. Getting home Friday night, I wanted to crawl up into bed.

"Anna?" Bella called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's me." I shook my head..._like she didn't know_.

"Charlie's on the phone. He's called a million times." Bella laughed and shook her head when she saw my confused look.

"Hey, Dad. What's wrong?"

"When were you going to tell me?" Charlie sounded exasperated.

"Tell you what?" I looked at Bella. She had the a knowing grin, but shook her head.

"Anna," Charlie chimed. "the decision letter came today. It was addressed to you, but since it was from the University I opened it."

"Dad, opening my mail." I sighed. "I wasn't sure you wanted to hear the news."

"I am so proud of you, sweetie. You should have called to tell me. The decision didn't matter, but it's over. I thought you would be happy."

"No...I mean I'm glad it's over, but it didn't matter." I sighed. "I'm going to finish my doctoral studies here. Dr. Johns thinks I can have my PhD by the end of the summer."

"I'm proud of you. Dr. Swan does have a nice ring to it."

"Thanks, Dad. How's Sue and Leah?"

"They're good. Leah's actually itching to talk to you. I told her about the letter."

"Is there anyone you didn't tell?"

"I am proud of you. Six months is a long time to hold out for this. You should be proud. You were strong and dignified while all of this happened to you."

"I'm just glad it's over. I can wait a few more months to be Dr. Swan."

"You don't want to be Dr. Swan now? I thought you would love to rub this in that stuffy professor's face."

"What?"

"Leah wants to say hi, sweetie. I love you."

I stood confused. I could hear Leah chattering. Bella took the phone from me and began to gossip with Leah. I grabbed my bag and pulled out the decision paperwork Dr. Johns had given me. I sat down and read through it. ...Ms. Swan's thesis paper was fair and adequate...( I skimmed the sheet)...Final decision...Ms. Swan's thesis is accepted... I dropped the papers.

"It was accepted," I whispered.

"I thought you knew," Bella said handing me the phone.

"Oh crap."

"That's a greeting." Leah laughed.

"I didn't know it was accepted."

Leah and I chatted about Forks. Neither of us mentioned the upcoming wedding. When I finally hung up, I missed her more than I thought I would. I couldn't wait for her to come and visit. The couple of weeks seemed so far away.


End file.
